A Guide to Getting Up

Because spring break has recently ended for me, I had a hard time getting up this morning.  I’d bet my button collection that you’ve struggled with this problem in the past.  Lucky for you, I’m an expert at waking up when all you want to do is rest.  Lucky for me, my button collection is small. 

Step One: The Night Before

The night before you have to wake up early, in my case, the final day of spring break, set alarms.  (As we all know, the plural of alarm is alarms and the past tense of alarm is alarmed.  Therefore, we can infer that this object called an alarm is supposed to alarm you awake.  Yep.)  If the alarms where you have to get out of bed to make the annoying beeping stop work for you, set an alarm clock across the room from your bed.  They don’t work for me because I’d rather listen to beeping than get out of bed.  At the very least, set three alarm clocks on your phone.  Make sure they are at least five minutes apart and at most ten. 

Step Two: Morning

After the first alarm clock, you will probably shut it off and try to fall back asleep.  When you’re almost asleep, the second alarm will go off.  You’ll probably try and sleep again.  Then the third one goes off.  As soon as the third alarm clock goes off, DO SOMETHING!  What I do is open my drapes to see the fragile rays of dawn creeping up the horizon.  Sorry, I got all poetic on you for a moment.  Sit up, listen to upbeat music, attempt to read.  Just don’t fall back asleep.  This is the point where I want to scream “SOMEONE KILL ME!”  You’ll just want to sleep.  It’s all you can think about.  You’re body commands you to lay back down.  But is your body’s will to sleep stronger than your mind’s will to stay awake?  Probably.  Are you going to let that stop you?  Most likely.  In the end, your body will give in because you have a very strong brain muscle and your brain and your body wrestled for a while making you even more tired.    But then you will give up. 

Step Three: Out of Bed

If you haven’t yet, I would strongly suggest listening to some loud obnoxious music.  This helps keep me awake, and it might even give you some energy.  Get dressed in whatever the heck you want because right now you don’t give a crap if your bag matches your belt matches your shoes.  Then, eat something sugary for breakfast.  Slurp a soda if you’re allowed to drink pop in the mornings.  Then, gather all your school things and sloppily do any homework you forgot to do over the break. 

If you follow these steps, I can promise you that you’ll get out the door on time.  I’d bet my button collection on it.

Yours truly and sincerely,

Katie Lemontop


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